We are getting married in august. He always denies that he is doing it. I feel bad about privacy but I feel I need to know. How far is he going to take these contacts etc... Trust is one of the most essential elements of a good relationship. If you can't trust him, and he you (by being open with you and not lying), then it's a big red flag for a disastrous relationship. I would suggest with this kind of issue, that he is not serious about valuing you as his future wife and that you'll be making a big mistake if you think he'll change before August. You'll have to accept him for who he is if you want to continue in this relationship, but I'd strongly dissuade you from hurting yourself this way. encourage him... i ask for naked pictures too I think Sausage Fingers has a GREAT idea! Boot the loser. Have a little common sense for yourself. if you cant work this out leave him unless you want to be second best. Or when you get married it will escalate from naked pictures to actually going out and screwing other girls. Beat the S**t out of him!!! That's how we do it in the ghetto...LMAO If he keeps doing something like this, it obviously means he is an obsessed pervert over young -women -on -the -net- naked!!! It's both good and bad. Why is it good? It let's you know that he is not gay and loves women. Why is it bad? If he isn't satisfied with only your body, later on in the future there could be slight chance that he will cheat on you with some fine *** woman. But who knows, maybe he'll quit some day, but you can't really blame him he is a man and he has his needs. Good luck!!! Dump him before it's too late.....he is not committed and this is gonna escalate big time. Umm...let me think....GET RID OF HIM...if he's going there, who knows what else he might do(or is doing). Get a real man who's satisfied with you. Don't marry him for sure, yet.
Tell him he wouldn't be surfing personals and looking for nudy pics if he really loved you, because you should be all he needs.
Then, see if it stops, and if not, kick 'em to the curb.
PostScript-
I'm a guy, so I have some insight on the situation. For your sake, don't rush into marriage with a man that may or may not be faithful to you. Yeah, this is a serious problem. It's very unlikely that he'll stop, and who knows if he's actually stopped even if he says he has? He's already lying to you about it and that's just as big an issue as his need to persue other women.
This is one of those things that really does tend to escalate. How do you know that he isn't already meeting the women he's contacting? How do you feel about the uncertainty? Is this *really* an issue you want to have to face on a daily basis for the rest of your life? What if you have kids - do you want your little ones stumbling on Daddy's extracurricular activities?
I'd truly recommend sitting down with a marriage councellor AND the evidence you've gathered about his activities to talk about this. If not a marriage councellor, then somebody you both trust and can listen and talk to - maybe a religious figure in your lives (rabbit/preacher/ect).
I'm wishing you lots of luck. I know you love this guy, but his actions don't seem to say that he feels the same about you and the kind of pain that can cause can be terrible. I hope for the best for you and your fiance through this!! GET OUT NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATE AND ALSO FIND OUT IF IT IS TEEN BECAUSE IF IT IS HE HAS A BIGGER PROBLEM. Are you snooping through his private e-mail? If so that is illegal and more importantly it show tremendous insecurity and untrust on your part.....not the right way to start a marriage...I'de call it off. Just leave some naked guys pics laying around for him to find. Otherwise I'd shoot him. Oh, did I say that? If he carries on this way now what makes you think it's going to stop after you are married? Tell him that ur not the kind of girl that walks behind his shadows.
U need 2 show him, that ur not gonna marry a man who has no intrested in u.
If he loves u, he be the one asking 2 see u naked not other women.
Get more in his life, have so dirrty fun like.......
1) have dirrty sex in a hott room and ur wearing only a shirt walking his way.
ect. he needs 2 knw ur into him
so he be there 4 u
BUT first tell him ur not gonna be played 4 a fool and the only person he be seeing naked is u and ONLY U!! How do you know this is the truth or a figment of your imagination? If you have hard evidence, then I suggest you rethink your date for the wedding. If what you are saying is true, then there is some issues that really need to be resolved before you tie the knot. GET RID OF HIM!!!!
You need your respect girl! As you may have gathered already, this is unacceptable and you need to:
1. respect yourself enough to know that he shouldnt be doing this.
2. tell him you know and he cant deny it anymore
3. postpone or cancel this wedding until this issue is resolved.
at first its naked pictures, then its naked girls dancing for him, then its naked girls he touches, then (a few years later) its naked girls in bed with him Look within yourself and find the strenght to leave him. If your fiance is playing the field on line there will come a time when he will play the field in real life. Do you want to spend your whole life wondering when and if this is going on? There are good men out in the world that will love, HONOR, and cherish you. Be brave and start a new life. Go online and send him a naked picture of yourself, with the caption..."See this naked body, you won't ever see it again" and break up with him. dump him...........this will not change once you get married Well you could let him have his privacy. But then you will later begin to disrespect & hate him for it and end up leaving. Because he is not being honest. It is a way for him to cheat with out touching. It will get worse. You could leave him or you could also ask him nicely to go to counsling before you tie the knot. He probaly thinks he is not hurting anyone. He does not realize it is degrating to his partner. You will never know how far he will go until it is done. Then their is no turning back. Looking at naked pics online is one thing but talking to women through chat is very inappropriate for someone committed or engaged and is a possible sign that an affair is immanent. We are all human and have the possibility to become attracted to the opposite sex through chatting and having intimate conversations that at first may seem innocent. Therefore to my way of thinking at least you shouldn't put yourself in that position in the first place by not doing it. (Yahoo! Answers not withstanding,ha-ha) I would postpone the wedding at least if you are not sure of your fiance's loyalty. cheating - "There are two types of cheating: physical, where you have sex with someone other than the person you've told you'd be faithful to, and emotional cheating, where you pretty much prefer to be with someone else (or you're in love/lust/whatever) with someone else and you haven't gotten around to telling your partner."
avoid the "emotional cheat" by defining clear boundaries; "Text messaging and email is fine but what are your intentions? Careful moves are required when such flirting occurs because it can lead to infidelity if given the right chance and under certain circumstances and situations."
Is Internet Porn Cheating?
Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:
It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.
Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.
Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.
You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.
Ask yourself or your partner:
Would you do it with your partner standing right there?
Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.
Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?
Does it intrude on your relationship?
Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?
If You Are Being Cheated On:
Get real.
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. What do you predict? If your partner has cheated on you repeatedly and now swears he/she will stop, what are the chances that this is true? You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Isn't there a point at which you say, "I deserve better. My children deserve better. He/She may not have any boundaries, but I do. And my boundaries say, 'You either treat me with integrity, dignity and respect or you don't treat me at all'?" Stand up for yourself and for your children. You've given your power away and you've got to get it back.
This is not your fault.
Stop beating yourself up about this. You have got to know that this has nothing to do with you. You are not the one who made the decision to break your commitment to your partner and cheat. You have nothing to do with your partner making the immature, inappropriate, self-destructive choice to turn away from you to someone else.
What is your payoff?
Do you want to get past this? Or is there a payoff you receive from the situation? Do you enjoy playing the victim or subjecting your partner to a life sentence? Do you fear that if you forgive a partner who truly is remorseful and has changed his/her behavior that you are "letting them get away with it?"
Assess your commitment level.
You can either handle being vulnerable with your partner again or you can't. And if you can't, you need to get out of this relationship and move on. And if you can, then you need to let him/her earn the trust back and start putting this relationship together again.
Consider the consequences.
If you have children, your decision will affect them as well. You do have responsibility here for what you do next. You have to make a decision about whether or not justice is best served by allowing your partner to re-earn your trust, or if it's better not to subject your family any longer to the current situation.
Decide if you can choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what your partner did is OK. How much you trust your partner is in part about what your partner does, and in part a function of whether you have confidence to handle it if he/she disappoints you. If you find out that he/she strays again, can you handle that?
If you can't forgive, let go.
When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. If you continue to throw this in your partner's face, you will eventually run him/her off. Ask yourself if this is going to be a life sentence for your partner. Can you heal from this and forgive? If not, don't continue to live in anger and/or be with someone who causes you pain.
Affair-Proof Your Marriage
You can't control your partner's behavior, but you don't have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Innoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you're attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.
Suspect Your Partner is Having an Affair?
Remember that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Look for the common sense warning signs: A shift in patterns, accessibility, money, reliability and secrecy. A sudden great interest in grooming or dress, going to the gym, or putting on cologne. Also, remember not to accuse your partner because of unhealthy jealousy, which could hurt the trust.
If You Are Having Problems:
Turn toward your partner 鈥?not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
Don't play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
Don't confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there's a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can't expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.
Is your marriage in a rut? "Bored people are boring," says Dr. Phil. Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.
Work on your marriage every single day 鈥?not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, "What can I do today that will make my marriage better."
Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship. If you've gotten off track, it's never too late to get back to a better place.
Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and look your best. Feeling good about yourself will radiate and your spouse will notice.
Formula For Success:
1. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they're interested in together. Don't stop being friends just because you're each other's spouse.
2. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner's needs are so you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. Don't let resentment build. Is doesn't sound like he is serious about getting married if he is doing this now do you think is will stop when your married talk to him ask him how he would feel if you were asking for pictures of men before u get married have a talk with him about his behavior. he probably doing for fun but he can also be addicted to it. it could be a problem for u in the future. u should get to the bottom of it now while u can before the wedding. well dear , dont listen to us . its ur life and i hope u are mature enough to make ur own decisions , just what u think is right for u and for ur future life as well , because time wont come back for u to correct ur mistakes,there is no u turn in life .so make ur own decisions and stood by them with bravity.its ur life and u control it urself ,learn to make brave decisions urself. i hope u made right one............ If you absolutly know he is doing this, ask him to stop and tell him why you feel this way. If he continues, and it bothers you enough leave him. I say that because - if he doesn't take your feelings into consideration now, before the wedding... what makes you think he will listen when it really matters? Could be worse, he could be getting naked pics of men. Leave him. Run away. Do not look back. He won't change when you are married. Spare yourself the inevitible divorce. You deserve better. tell him that hes with you and that you wsont take it anymore. I'd think twice about marrying someone who is contacting other women for naked photos? Shouldn't he be devoted to you? | 