What do you do with a husband who is addicted to hiding and watching porn?

I am fine with his watching it alone with out me, what I not ok with with is the extent he takes it to hide the existence of dvds in our home. Several other times I have found these, confronted him, told him that lies and secrets hurt. I've even packed my stuff before. And now he does it again. What?!!

Either accept it or leave him...

...because you are not going to change him.

If you are OK with him watching porn why does he hide it. Do you object to certain porn he watches. Do you ever watch it with him? Is the porn bad stuff that you would not want to watch. It could just be he masturbates to the porn and cant do that in front of you. Think there are lots of questions to ask both yourself and your husband. Need to talk but do not use pack your bags unless you mean it and that will not resolve the issue. Lots of men like porn and would find it hard to watch it in front of their wives after all it looks as if they would prefer what they are watching to there wives but that's not the case most the time they would like their wives to take part in some of the things they see. Men are very sex mad a lot of the time and would love to try things out but cant bring themselves to ask their wives and that may be because they expect the answer to be kn and be accused of being a pervert Hope this helps

I agree with LC. Unfortunately I was married to the man, and did not know until afterwards abou his problem.

The worst part about it was that when I talked to him about the pornography and told him that it bothered me, he promised me he would stop watching it and that it was no big deal, he didn't need to watch it, well, time and time again, I found DVD's hidden around the house or found website after website he had been to on our computers history which eventually led me to an email address I did not know about, which contained e-mails between him and his girlfriend which he still denied AND his registration info. for dating websites he signed up for.

I packed my bags left and am now happily divorced and dating someone that is absolutely wonderful, I wholly believe I can trust to be honest with me and we are able to talk about everything and keep an open line of communication with each other, we have disagreements but we are able to talk, listen and think about the others feelings not just our own.

You need to sit down with your husband, tell him exactly what it is that is bothering you and come up with a solution together. Tell him that you are not OK keeping things hidden from each other and together work it out.

I don't think packing up and leaving is the answer in your case, since you say it is not the watching that is the problem... but are you being honest with yourself? If you don't have a problem with him watching then what is the difference between 1 DVD or 50 DVD's? Make sure you know exactly what is bothering you before you approach him so you two can have an honest conversation about it.

Good Luck!!!

I think you need to make up your mind whether you are fine with him watching porn or not.

if he's going to watch the stuff at all, what does it matter whether you are there or not?

Are you really 'fine' with him watching it, or have you just bought into all the rubbish that is talked on here about how it is 'normal' for a man to do this, that 'everybody does it' and that a woman who doesn't like her husband doing it has 'low self esteem.' ?

if you're not 'fine' with it then you should talk about it. if you are 'fine' with it , then what does it matter whether he is watching it with you or without you?

If you are fine with him watching it alone, is he suppose to tell you everytime he is going to watch it. Do you really want them out in the open for the neighbors or kids to see. I'm not sure that I understand what you really have a problem with. You say he is addicted , Does he do it everyday? Is he not satisfying you in bed? Is he watching more than just regular porn ( gay or kiddie porn)? My husband watches porn sometimes and I don't want to go around and see it laying on the top of the T.V. I don't want to find it in the DVD player either. We have children and that would not be a good idea if they wanted to watch a movie and found it.

Have you ever tried watching it with him? He hides it because you freak out when you find it. If he strolled into the house with a bag of dirty flicks, I can't imagine what he'd face. I mean, where is he supposed to keep them when he isn't watching them? The dresser? In the player?

Guys fantasize and most enjoy porn. This shouldn't feel like a threat to you. He isn't cheating on you. It's a fantasy at best. He isn't replacing you or sex with porn. It seems he just needs a good lockbox to store it all in.

That really pisses me off too. i don't mind it when my husband watches porn when i'm not home and all and i kno that he watches it....but he tries to buy new dvds and hide them. i would rather him tell me than to try to hide them. what i did was when i confronted him about it i told him that he was on punishment and couldn't sleep in the same bed as me and that he could sleep on the couch and watch porn all night. when he got upset about it, i asked him what he like about the girls on the porn movies and i tried to spice up the sex life a little by doin stuff like that

I think that is is kinda of sad, after reading some peoples comments, that every guy watches, there is nothng wrong with porn. There is something wrong with porn, and with the girls that reduce themselves to taking sex, a great thing for people that love one another, to do such acts. Come on look at the morality of the world and all the children that get molested, women that get raped, .

Confront him, and he gets all terrible and ticked off about it, ask yourself if he really is worth staying with, I mean gross, girls and guys in porn are nasty, imagine all the sexual diseases they can get, or have, they are used, like old tires....

It depends how you two have communicated in the past. Don't threaten to leave this action only makes him feel as if you are bluffing. If you want to really get thru to him you have to get him away from that environment and then let him know how this is making you feel. Tell him you do not like what he is doing and he should respect your feelings. let him know that you will be there for him if he needs to lean on you for support and that he can talk to you about why he hides it as if you don't know. let him know he can trust you and you should be able to trust him. It will take some time and you'll need alot of patience but in the end it will either work out or not. It really depends how much the marriage means to him and if he does open up to you and give in to your request then you know he is committed to making the marriage work. If he doen't give a crap and doesn't put any effort into what your needs and feelings are over this subject then it is time for you to evaluate your relationship and move on for your own sanity. I know this to well. I was in the same boat as you and i am now going thru a divorce. I am sooooo very much happier now. But it was one of the hardest things i ever did in my life was leaving a man that i loved all my life. GOOOOD LUCK!!!!

Sounds like you both need counseling to deal with the issues in your marriage...

Since you say that you have spoken to your husband about this behavior and he still continues to lie and hide the fact he is watching porn..
You say that you do not object to him watching porn so have you asked him why he feels the need to lie and hide it?

well if its ok for him to watch it in private where the hell does he put the dvd back, In the drawer or box? yes that a place and then you confront him that you found the dvd but it has to be placed somewhere?, in the drawer! lies and secrets hurt?

he is hiding thinking you dont want it in the house at all or dont want to come across it so he hides it to extremes.
idk, even im confussed??

Many men are just retarted when it comes to porn. If we knew the answer, we could give the proper lobotomy to the right place in the brain. But we are still stumped as to what is wrong with some of them that they do such stupid stuff.

Live with it ---or force it with leaving AND counseling. Those are your only two choices.

1) Would you rather he leave them out in the open for all to see???

2) You packed before, but did what? You relented! Soooo...

3) Say no! If he prefers porn to you, then the answer is obvious!

4) YOU deserve to be happy. It appears to me that you are not. Take control of your life. The sooner, the better!

You're only problem is that he hides the dvd's? If you're ok with it, why is he hiding it? I kind of agree with a few other answers. You might want to ramp up the attention on him unless you want ot be replaced by a stack of DVD's. Not saying it;'s right, but he's hiding in that for a reason.

this same thing happened to my mom. it lead to a divorce. im mean think about it he must not be fully content with his sexual life so he is getting it through other girls. it sounds harsh but really its the same thing as cheating kinda. okay not as intense but there is a whole TYRA SHOW on it so look it up and watch it.

Yeah but there are reasons why he is taking to to extremes.... know what that is and then problem soved. Perhaps you had a brain melt down the first time you found it?

Whatever the case, turn it into a positive....find out what he is into and suprise him! ;)

I had a boyfriend who did this - It was very hurtful. I had no choice but to end it. I am now happily married to a honest man who gets turned on by the real ting - me! That is the way it is supposed to be!

Look every guy likes porn but you should control your husband porn can be very addicting. Try do steal most of it and throw it away then comes the hard part for you please him as much as you can.

Porn is not OK - it will ruin your marriage. Check out Dr. Dobson's website and the book Everyman's Battle.

Insist on counseling...he needs accountability.

Also check out cheaters.com - they have a remedy

Hope this helps.

well, your husband is addicted to porn. just as he could be to cigarettes. he needs to kick this addiction before he can work on your marriage. treat it as an addiction.

Watching Pron is common. It is not something wrong. He is getting afraid to you so he hide it from you. Don't fight with him for this, tell him in a good way not to hide it.

Good question. Tell him to read this. Maybe he will see it from your point of view. http://www.beliefnet.com/story/132/story...

You are getting mad at him over porn? All guys watch it all the time! He's most likely hiding it because you are freaking out about it!

Maybe he took it like u objected him to watching them. When u found the DVD,just place them openly in the hse,without saying anything to him.

He's addicted to sex. He needs therapy before he resorts to other things.

well give him more action in bed so he wont need

an extra bost if u get me oh

and try little by little

getting rid of it

or tell him its over if he doesnt

trow them away

He's addicted to sex and needs therapy.

You have to give him an ultimatum. I hope you don't have kids, but he needs to choose from his porno or you.

watch porn together

i know the feeling and i know he's not some perv but he told me he like to watch it to get new ideas so i just let it be i trust him

his jerking off "problems" are a direct consequence of you not being able to satisfy him in the sack