How to encourage our families to speak English when my fiance or I visit each other's family?

My fiance and I have been together for the last 5 years and are planning to get married this year. Both of our families speak a different from each other, but both are fully bilingual in English. Both of our mothers speak the least English, but both make an effort to include each one of us when we visit them. Recently we have told our siblings and their spouses to speak English when we visit so that my fiance or I feel included, but they ignore us. Most of the times they speak their respective mother tongue making me or my fiance feel completely unwanted, ignored and bored. We have cut the number of visits to our families because of this. We've told them already how their behavior makes us feel, but they always have excuses like that they forget, but when reminded they get upset and ignore me or him. We don't know what else to do. What would you do? We obviously want to keep visiting our families, and would like each other to be included as new members.

Our mother tongues aren't dialects, but two very different languages, Spanish and Urdu. We both know a few words, and phrases but when we spend 2 hours in the company of family we cannot understand because of how fast everyone speaks, or they make fun of us because of our pronunciation. However, we all have a language in common: English.

Stop going there. If they really respect you, they will realize that your absence is caused by this. Otherwise, you can always try to speak a different language that you two can make up, and pretend you understand. Sometimes, it does not hit people until you give them a taste of their own medicine.

Chill, everything is okay. Forget the language issue for a second. Everyone could speak perfect English and your boyfriend may not fit in with your family for the simple reason they don't have anything in common.

I feel that is the situation here. They like your boyfriend and they are glad you are marrying him, but it is probable that he and them don't have much in common, so they revert to speaking the language they feel most comfortable with.

He is marrying you, not your family, don't try to force the two togethor. This is a very common problem amoung couples.

If he isn't hitting it off at family functions, then don't go to as many, just attend the ones that are important and then limit the time of the visit to the comfort level.

Eventually various members of your family will become more friendly with him and he with them, but don't force it, let it happen on it's own.

You told them? How about asking nicely with funny reminders, like you interpret what they say differently. Like, if your mom says, "this meat is dry", turn to your fiance and say, "she said she loves your necklace" in English. Keep misinterpreting for them unless they get annoyed; then, just interpret correctly.

You should take the time to teach each other your mother tongue. He's not marrying your family, he's marrying into your family and you into his. What part of that don't you get? It's selfish of you to think that they should cater to your fiancee. Make an effort to let your families know that you care enough to learn they language.

Talk about them in english so they know exactly what you are saying. Do it at dinner when everyone is at the table. It's time to stop being nice and be heard.

Unfortunately, it seems your respective families have made it clear that they are not going to change their habits for you. So, you either learn to visit with them as they are, or stop visiting. OR, if you are a glutton for punishment, lol, you might think over the following and see if it gives you any ideas : the only way to effectively change another person's behavior towards you is to change YOUR behavior towards them ..... that is to say, if you act different, it forces them to act different. Good luck.

teach each other your original dialect. Tell each other family ahead of time that both of you are coming and would really appreciate it if they speak English in from of him or you.

The same thing in my family. Many of my hubbies aunties and his SIL are just much better in spanish and far more comfortable. When they are in their home they speak the language they prefer.

The way it works for us is that hubby serves as a running translator. As people speak, he quietly whispers in my ear and translates at the same time. People are so accustomed to our cuddling and his translations. That way I know the conversation and can join in as needed. I don't think We will ever have an 'english' evening with his family, but at least with him quietly translating I always feel included.

If hubby is not around I will politely ask someone else "What did so-so just say?" as that will serve as a gentle reminder to keep it at least part english so both sides understand.

His relatives do try to speak english (and some of them are very fluent). On the flip side, I have learned some basic phrases in spanish and can get basic ideas across. You know, they started trying to communicate a lot more with me once they knew I was making a concerted effort to talk to them as well.